Tales from the Secret Agent: Theresa and Ann

By Lisa James
Home » Tales from the Secret Agent: Theresa and Ann

Looking out onto a dreary, wet street, I see two women tottering towards the office at full pelt, sharing a Lidl carrier bag as a temporary rain hood/umbrella.

I just know they are a pair of timewasters trying to get out of the rain, but, as I have a rare few minutes spare, I decide to play along and see where it goes.

I’m informed they are Theresa and Ann. After a brief discussion in stereo about it pelting down – with Ann saying she can’t understand it, as she was in a T-shirt yesterday and her daffs are up already – we crack on.

Five minutes in, I’ve decided that if Ann says one more time she’s ‘done her research’, I’m not going to be held responsible for my actions.

It’s quickly obvious, however, that Ann has not done any research as she chirps on about hotels she has ‘researched’ that are nowhere near where she thinks they are and the flight she has ‘researched’ doesn’t go from our local airport.

Twenty minutes in and, like a lion playing with its prey, I decide it’s time to bring this ordeal to an end for the sake of all of us.

I narrow down the dates and suggest a hotel I know in Majorca that I really feel will fit the bill. PC screen spun around like one of the Strictly dancers, I show the ladies the details of the accommodation.

“Will we have a balcony?” Ann asks, “as we do like a glass of wine outside before we head down to dinner.”

“Yes,” I tell them. Oohs and aahs all round and it’s looking good.

“What are the flight times?” Again these suit the ladies.

“Shall we go for it?” asks Theresa, who, I get the feeling, is as annoyed by Ann as much as I am, and is not sure she’ll be able to refrain from throwing her over the said balcony. 

After a few minutes of silence, that feels like a few hours, Ann pipes up:

“I just want to do some research before I book…”

Read more Secret Agent anecdotes here.

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