Tales from the Secret Agent: Champagne lifestyles and beer budgets

By Lisa James
12/06/2023
Home » Tales from the Secret Agent: Champagne lifestyles and beer budgets

A lady calls in looking for a 14-night trip to Disney World Orlando.

Requirements are quickly dished out and it’s clear Mrs Champagne Taste has beer-bottle pockets.

Never one to refuse a challenge, I set to work and manage to get her a good hotel on International Drive instead of the five-star Disney hotel she likes.

Flights are no problem and the park passes are the usual eyewatering add-ons.

The information is duly relayed.

However, a quick response points out that she has managed to get two weeks in October at the hotel she wants with 14-day park passes for just under £1,000 each with a well-known online agent.

I wonder if she will get free lounge access as well.

I don’t bother to waste any more time with her and tell her that’s a great deal and she should book it before it sells out.

I, of course, have a nosey at what she believes she has found and I discover she’s booked indirect flights, 14 nights at a similar-sounding hotel 23km from Disney and no free park passes.

I hope she gets back in touch when she realises…

Meanwhile, something that looks like he’s lived in the woods for the past three months saunters in and declares he is looking for a cheap deal for him and his lady friend for her upcoming 30th birthday in July.

His requirements are brief and to the point. He wants a local flight to Amsterdam with a central hotel for three nights and breakfast.

No problem, I inform him, already knowing it’s going to be a problem.

“And what is your budget?” I ask him.

“£150 each tops,” he tells me.

I decide not to spend too much time on this one and advise that it’s unlikely we will be able to get anything anywhere near that but I will take a look.

‘Taking a look’ takes all of 30 seconds and, as suspected, the prices are not to his liking.

“I will need to have a rethink,” he informs me.

“Yes,” I reply wearily. “You will…”

Find Secret Agent’s back catalogue here.

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